Just call me Goddess Divine, and I will go get your damn cheesy popcorn hefer.
A please, a thank you, a kiss.
I’m not going to plead, I’ll thank you when you return with what I need, and a kiss is too much to exchange for a measly bag of popcorn.
No no gumdrop, you have to ask nicely.
I gave you quarters, what more do you want from me?
Screw that, there is enough here for me to get one of those cookies and cream bar things as well as your oh so beloved cheesy popcorn.
Exactly. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. Now make with the cheesy popcorn, wench!
Oh? Right because adults need other people to get them snacks…
Hey, if you don’t want to do it you can give the quarters back and I’ll find someone else who will.
Give me the damn quarters.
[Hands her a handful of quarters] I’m not a child.
Here’s the deal slick, you tell me this dashing little story about how exactly you ended up with a vending machine on top of you— in great detail— in return, i’ll go get your damn cheesy popcorn.
Side note; you are a child.
It’s not some great Greek tragedy shit! I was just trying to get a snack and it got, like, caught in the coil thingy, so I started to shake the machine and right when the thing was about to fall from the thing, this dumb orderly comes around the corner and is like, “what are you doing?” Then I was like, “mind your fucking business.” Then they got all hot and bothered about it and threatened to go get security if I didn’t stop. Meanwhile, I’m still shaking the thing because I was this close to getting the damn snack to fall, and the minute I turn my head to tell this dick to shut his face, what happens? I find myself on the floor holding the god damn machine up from crushing my fucking ribs. Now I can’t even go to a water fountain without someone side-eyeing me.
Ah yes, because I have knocked up several short blondes in my lifetime so I would know all about your sympathy cravings.
That was more of a rhetoric question-slash-generalization or whatnot. No need to go into an existential crisis.
Hypothetically, if I had a roll of quarters would you take them and go get me cheesy popcorn from the vending machines? I can’t go near one anymore without some staff member supervising to make sure I don’t topple it on top of myself again. They treat me like some kind of goddamn child…
Odd I thought Abigail was the one that was pregnant…
Sympathy cravings, you know how it goes.
Ah right, you managed to knock up princess Barbie. How quaint. Tell me, how is that going to work exactly? Two unstable individuals caring for a child? Well they’ll have mommies to spare. I’m sure Leah loves the idea of being round as a house.
…You don’t have any pickles hidden on you anywhere, do you? I’ve got cravings like you wouldn’t believe.